What do I do?

It sure has been a while since my last post!  But lately my life has been busier than Ever!  With the duties of everyday life and the extras happening lately, I haven't had time to really sit down and think!  I now have all day to do so while I wait with my dad (aka Bumpy) as he gets another full day of Chemo & Radiation!  Today out of all days has been quite tough; Bumpy has been extremely dizzy, nausea and dehydrated.  I had to help him get ready this morning, tie his shoes and help him to the bathroom, car, and seat.  Bumpy has lost all of his hair at this point and the best news is....He is no longer having any pain!  What I don't understand is that they say they want to treat the cancer so he could have his quality of life-where it was before the Cancer!  How is that possible when he is sick and weak everyday???  I am sitting here listening to the IV Machine pump all these fluids and poisons into his body, watching him sit in the recliner, eyes shut, breathing shallow, twitching every now and then!  Waiting for today to be done with!

Tomorrow I take my Grandpa to the Cardiologist for a Follow Up!  I am hoping all looks good!

As for myself, I am really out of sorts here!  I have not weighed in for about 3 weeks now!  I am scared to get on the scale and see how much I have gained!  I am in therapy once a week!  Working 40 hours but really  should be working 80 hours... I have no time to do my job and everyone else's!  My boss is on Maternity Leave and my Co-Worker (Case Manager) will be on Maternity Leave starting Next MONTH!!!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am stressed to the max!  Not sure what to do!  I haven't had any time to exercise, cause when I get home and finished everything ... I am completely exhausted!  In the morning... I don't want to get out of bed!  I am hoping this week I can get back into the swing of things.. Plus the weather won't be too bad this week!  The past few days were BRUTAL!!!

Well, not much more to add today!  Just been hanging in there and trying to keep it together!  My Hannah Banana is doing an Awesome Job at staying strong for her BUMPY!  But every now and then; when I tell her its ok to cry.... We both break down and cry!!!

Till next time,

~Mandy

In a SLUMP

There is not one week that I have lost weight since they took my band from me!  I walk and jog and eat right and do all I NEED TO DO... and I gain 1.2 every single Freakin Week (with the exception of one week it was 1.6)!  What the hell!  Have I hit the plateau...  

I had my friend Jenna over last night.. we had some Margaritas and I was DRUNK!  I had not been DRUNK in a loooonnnnggg loooonnnnggggg time!  Forgot what that felt like... We had a great time though, playin cards, laughing and drinking!  It was a good night for me to forget about my TROUBLES and just LET LOOSE!  

Yesterday I was cleanin my house and my mom came upstairs and asked me to give my dad a buzz cut!  He lost alot of hair yesterday while in the shower!  Its more real than ever now!  :(     I always give the men in my life haircuts.. but this time was different with my dad...   My heart ached and I wanted to break down and cry!

Well, I am honestly short for words today!  Not much happening here... I am gaining weight and stressed out and trying to find my way through it all!  

Now for a few photos!   

summer vaca

Well, I am on vacation this week!  Today I took my kiddos to my aunt's pool!  I put on a bathing suit!  Been a long time since I wore a bathing suit!  But I did it!  I even went swimming with the kids!  I had a blast!  

Here is my swimsuit!

Here is me and my kiddos in the water

I have had a wonderful vacation, being active, taking the kids to the park, walking ( I walked about 10 miles yesterday and 6 miles Monday)!  I didn't walk this morning due to the rain, so I am hoping to go tonight!  I did exercise already today (swimming)!

So back to reality!  My dad had his worse day yet!  Oh the vomiting was non stop all night and all morning yesterday!  Its so hard to see him suffering from this horrible disease!  I Hate IT!  My mom and myself decided to sit down with my girls yesterday and talk about Bumpy (my dad) and how he has cancer.  My oldest (Hannah) who is Bumpy's little girl!!!!!!!!!  Was very quiet and not quite sure what all this meant...later last night I went to her room and her and I talked about it a little more and I explained it a bit more detailed and told her it is ok to be scared and it's OK to cry!  Soon as I said that, she broke into tears and hugged me and didn't let go!  (I cried too)!  I am heart broken to see her so scared and worried!

Well, camping this weekend!  I can't wait!  Then back to work on Tuesday next week!  My boss is on maternity leave and the new case manager who is workin with me will be on maternity leave too in August!  So things will be back to chaos in a few weeks!  :)   My life as we know it!

Therapy again on Friday morning 7am!  I also called my Dr to up my dose of Prozac... now up to 40 mg and Ativan as needed!!!

me and my hubby by pool ( i have no make up on )!  SCARY!!!!

Take Care Everyone,

~Mandy

ReFocus

So as I posted the other night, life has been a bit Crazy these past few months!  I must honestly say that since I had my Lap Band Removed, things have just been going in a downward spiral!  I have become not only a care giver to my kids, but my dad and grandparents too!  Amazing I am taking care of 3 generations (2 before and one after me)!!!


I have now become the main person for my grandfathers Dr. Appointments!  Not sure why, but it always seems as though he doesn't get mad at me!  (I tell him like it is)!  "YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE DR!  You just had a Freak-in Knee replacement and your leg should not be discolored like that!  CALL THE DR!"  As an old stubborn Irish Man, Grandpa refused to call the Dr..... So I did it for him!  I was furious to find out a baseball hit him in the knee a few days before that why his leg was bruised!  I love him dearly!  I also called his Heart Dr to schedule an appointment for his follow up.  


I have been taking time off of work to go to the Dr's with my dad too!  Chemo, Radiation, blood work, and stool samples!  Calling the Oxygen place cause the machine isn't working!  Making sure his weight is maintaining and he isn't losing too much.  Today he was the same as last week! His pain is being managed, better than before!  We just pray every day that treatment will help him and help improve his quality of life!  I have yet to tell my kids anything and I know they are worried, but I at first need to be OK with this diagnosis... and I am still not!  I am still in shock!  


When my Nana was coming home from Rehab, I needed to call insurance companies, medical supply companies, and Dr's office to get prescriptions and supplies for her to come home.  Commodes, shower chairs, ect....  


My husband and I have always had troubles with his ex.. and now they have just gotten worse!  I flipped out on her!  I not sure where all the anger is coming from... but she really gets under my skin!  Maybe now that I am not going to let her "run" my life, as she has in the past.  We always finagle our schedule accommodating her!  NO MORE SWEETHEART!  Thursday was our anniversary, and I told her we would not be home on Friday night.  Apparently she had plans and told me "NO, Natasha goes Friday to Sunday this weekend"!  Ummm... NOPE NOT THIS TIME!  Do you know the Crazy bitch sat in our driveway for 45 mins waiting for us to come home!  We didn't answer the phones or anything!  Then on Saturday she dropped her off and started her shit!  I am so tired of this shit now!  I could no longer keep my mouth shut!  Nearly 7 years of keepin quiet!  I have grown a pair of balls and WOW!!!!  HA Ha Ha... So I guess she is taking us back to court again!  


I am on vaca this week and excited to just have some time off to help clear my mind.  My kids are now out of school for the summer, they are drivin me nutty already!  I will be glad to get back to work on the 5th of July! LOL~  


Well, Take Care Everyone!  I have missed blogging!  

~Mandy

time for a new look

hope you like it!!!  and the new title.

Time Flies

Amazing that I have not been bloggin in so long!  At least that is what it seems like... So long ago!!!!

Well, I welcome you to another crazy post ... I think I will change my blog to "A day in the CRAZY life of Mandy, Mother, wife, full time worker, daughter, granddaughter, care take of 3 generations..."  ext ext...

Hmmmm where to begin!  I have gained a total of 8 lbs since they removed my lap band!  I am now weighing at 186!  Grrrrrr!!!!!  Its all right though!!!  I know I am stressed (TO THE MAX)!!!!  I am walking/jogging every morning!  I am workin out, so I guess I am building up so muscles???????  Who the hell knows!

My weight is the least of my worries at the moment!  I began Therapy!  Yuppers, I got myself into Therapy!  Honestly, I never really sat back and looked at how much shit I am going through at the moment!  My therapist...was SHOCKED at everything going on in my life at the moment and amazed at how CALM I seem!

Well, my dad began Chemo and has been doing fairly well so far!  Just been really nauseous  from it.  My Nana is home from Rehab (thank god)!  I am on Vacation this week coming!

Oh I had an argument with my husbands ex!  OH MY GOSH!!!!  I CAN'T F********* STAND HER!  That post will be for another time!  But anywhoooooo...

 Me and My Husband's Anniversary was Thursday!  I got us tickets for Creedence Clearwater!  (HE LOVES THEM)!  Here is a few pics of us!!!!!

Exercise

So I have been super serious about exercise!  I am up every morning at 4:30... down to the field for 4:45... I walk 1 1/2 miles.. then come to work a half hour early and walk some more!  It is a great way to just give me some time for myself and clear my head!

I am addicted to walking!!!!!!

~Mandy