Everything happens for a reason~

Do you believe that saying?  I have been thinking, thinking, and thinking!  I guess things happen for a reason...

Although I am still not sure as to the "reason"... I am probably confusing myself and everyone else...

I have the words at the tip of my tongue; they just don't want to come out!

I began this journey just over a year ago!  Trying to make me a happier and healthier person!  Although there have been many struggles, I must say there has been many successes!

I am not sure what else is in store for me.  I do know that I am not planning on any more "surgeries"!!  My husband looked at me the other night and asked me "Honey, are you done"?  Basically meaning; he has watched me suffer enough and does not want to see me suffer anymore!  I know he loves me for who I am and how I look and my body and all! 

Anyways... my successes on this journey!

**I quit smoking!  I have added years onto my life!  April 8th, 2011 was 1 yr Smoke Free!

**I can walk a mile and not be out of breath!

**I can fit in a booth at the resturaunt!

**I can wear a regular hospital gown and Tie IT!  Without my ass hanging out!

**I can paint my own toenails!

**I actually know a good (healthy) meal plan!

**I sit closer to the steering wheel...My belly is not in the way!

**I am more active (well not at the moment)..but In General....!

**I am happier!

I really was upset that I had to lose my band, but I can't dwell on it and focus on the loss!  I need to move ahead and look forward to the future!  This is and was all part of my LapBand Journey and just because the band is gone...doesn't mean my journey ends!

You know it's funny how things turn out!  You realize who is most important in your life when you really need people!  You realize those who surround you are those who love you!  Those who call you are those who are concerned for you! 

My mind is all over the place lately!  I was on Facebook and found this status shuffle that fit perfect for the way I have been feeling! 

I would rather live my life with mistakes made and lessons learned than to live it full of regrets, if onlys and what could have been.

~Mandy

*Sighs*

Do u ever wonder "Why Me"???  I sure have!  The past few days have been confusing and extremely emotional!

I don't even know where to begin with how I feel!  I feel like I have put my family through so much worry and I watch them try to be strong for me...

I try to be strong for myself, but I lay in bed and cry!  I am in so much pain!  I am scared!  I don't even know what kind of infection I have!  Everything was sent to the lab to see what kind of infection it was.. and how it was caused!

I wonder to myself if I had this infection the whole time I was banded!  Is that why I was so successful with the weight loss?  Is that why I could hardly ever eat? 

I never had any fevers!  I showed no signs of sickness!

No I have this tube sticking out of my stomach sucking out the infection that lies within my body!  The infection that I got from trying to make myself "Healthier"!!!  It does not seem as though I am Healthier! 

I don't regret anything!  I would do it all over again!  I just need to vent and have no one to talk to who can really understand!  I feel as though I am alone!  No one truly understands what I am going through! 

Home Sweet Home

I am home from the hospital!  I was released yesterday afternoon about 4:30.  Monday mornin was my surgery and before I went in the OR my Dr. came by and we chatted for a few about what he would be doing.

First he would go down with the SCOPE, check for ulcers or any obstruction..

If nothing was found there, he was going to open me up and find out whats going on... Dr. told me that maybe from the Sliming and Vommiting; someting was really irritated.  Dr. said the last resort would be to remove it, and just assume I am Band Intolerant! 

I remember them asking me to move over to the operating table (I was high as a kite with the cocktail mix they gave me to relax)... I woke up in the recovery room with my Dr's assistance telling me everything went well, but they had to remove the band.

I cried, cried and cried!  I am upset that it had to come to that.

Later when I was in my room the Dr.'s came by and explained to me they found an infection underneath the rim of my band.  One of the stitches came undone (possible from vommiting). 

Dr. gave me a few options!  We are going to see if I can Maintain or even lose weight on my own (since I lost a huge chunk weight with the Lap Band.  If I struggle and can't keep it off or can't lose any more.. we will discuss the options of Gastric ByPass.

So, I am out of work for 2 weeks and have a drain coming from my stomach..to let the infection drain out!  I can't sleep...I have 2 antibiotics and a narcotic to help with the pain.

I am so full of emotions!  I am just lost! 

I have a Visiting Nurse coming to the house to change the dressing and empty my drain! 

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!  I am so mad!  I am upset!  I am SCARED! 

Once this is all healed, I will work my ass off to try to lost more weight!  I am 30lbs from goal!  I will put my mind to it! 

Thank you all for your support!  I see the Dr. on the 5th of May to take out the drain and discuss my options!

Thanks again!!!

~Mandy

Guess what!!!

I woke up frm surgery with NO BAND!  It somehow got infected... I am a few nights at the hospital getting antibiots and pain meds...

When I am home, I will give you the full story!

I am scared to gain all that weight back... I need to really try to follow my plan anywasy! 

~Mandy

Surgery time

Its 4:55 am and I am leaving an 20 mins to head back to the hospital for surgery!  I couldn't sleep for shit last night!  My anxiety level is well over a 10!!!

Well... I am hoping I come home with my band and all they had to do is replace it! 

I will update you when I am feelin better! 

~Mandy

I went for my Upper GI today!  Wow, what a different experience than the first time!  I don't remember it being that bad!  There was a few times I threw up the contrast (barium) and cried through the rest of the test! 

I then went downstairs to the Weight Center for IV Fluids to help hydrate me!  Here, I met with my Dr. and he reviewed the Upper GI...

Everything looked good on the Upper GI; so what do we do now?  Why am I having such great difficulty!

Few thoughts that came to mind...

Maybe I have an ulcer- So I am going to under go the Scope to check.

If there is no ulcer- I will be opened back up to explore!  I have symptoms of being "too tight"... But he tried again and I have NO NO NO NO NO Fluid in my band!  Nothing! 

So we will see whats going to happen!  I was asked if I wanted himto take it out!  I told him if its bad, then "Yes"!  I can't live the rest of my life like this!  I am starving!  Thirsty!  I am Tired!  Just feeling so Uggghhhh Lately!

So thats the update I have for today!  I am back in surgery Monday morning!  I need to be there for 6 am!  OMG that sure is early!  I may be staying for the night as well so the Dr. can keep an eye on me and to keep my fluids running and keep me hydrated! 

Till next time,

~Mandy

Upper GI

I finally gave in and called the Dr again today!  I am having a really hard time!  I am getting really frustrated!  I can't eat!  Even slider foods!  I just can't eat!  It hurts to eat. 

Last night I regurgitated for over 1/2 hour!  Disgusting!  Then I figured I would have 1/2 of a freeze pop and guess what!  I threw it up!  Now, I have not actually vomitted since I had surgery!  I have pb'd and slimed but not vomitted!  I gurgle all the time, but not vomit! 

I was so frustrated I couldn't even get down a freeze pop!  So, the Dr is sending me for an Upper GI on Friday!  They are going to check to see if the band slipped!  If the band slipped they will have to operate again to replace it! 

I really don't know what happend!  I was doing just fine!  I was doing great!  Finally figuring things out!  Now I feel like I am starting all over again!  I have been on liquids almost 2 weeks!  I try to eat and it hurts or I regurgitate or gurgle for an hour!  Hiccups... can you say its a constant the past few days!

I really can't wait to find out what is going on!  I am frustrated!  I am upset!  I am Mad!  I am Scared!  I am Anxious!  I have so many feelings that are runnin through me I am not sure quite how I feel! 

I will keep you updated! 

~Mandy

Feelin better & Weekly Weigh in

So after my scare Thursday, I am really trying hard to push FLUIDS!!!  I didn't have the scope done Friday and I do not want to end up in the hospital with IV's and tubes and all... So I really need to push push push Fluids!!

I went to the store and bought PowerAde & GatorAde and Water!  I keep gurgling but I guess I have to just get used to it!  They took all the fluid from my band (2cc's) thats all I had in there!  I am just taking it day by day!  Last night I tried to eat... mashed potatoes with a bit of gravy from Boston Market; I ate a few bites and was done!

I stopped and bought some baby food!  Yes Baby Food (fruits).. and applesauce... and squash... things that are pureed!  I am going to try to start all over because I feel like something isn't right and have to start at the begining again! 

When I weighed in today I lost 5 lbs since last week!  Wow.. so unhealthy though; I haven't eaten a real meal since last Friday!  I told them I had the flu last week!  Funny how I have to lie about my weight loss @ weight watchers.

My total weight loss 82.2, I weigh 187.8!!!  OMG

Amazing huh!  Well... I don't have much planned for this weekend!  My son started t-ball today, his first game is Wed Night!

Kids are on school vaca this week!!!  I am off Monday and back to work Tues!  Till next time!

~Mandy

Almost Admitted-to the Hospital that is!!!!

So today I went to the Dr's for an Unfill!  I was waiting patiently for this appointment!  I have not eaten in a few days (since Monday) and having a really difficult time getting liquids down!  I finally budged and figure something wasn't right and scheduled the appointment for today!

I told the Dr. that on Saturday I was grillin chicken was moist, not over cooked, and tasted sooo good.  I took a few bites and was in the bathroom spitting (sliming) all over!  A good 4-5 mins, I thought I was going to be sick.  Sunday came, I made burgers on the grill...I do really well with ground beef!  Not Sunday!  I couldn't eat it!  So, Monday came couldn't even eat my yougart!  Gurgling everything I swallow, even my own spit (how gross)!

So Dr. told me he would take my full 2 cc's out of my band and we see what happens.  Told me if I can't get anything down they were admitting me ( I am really dehydrated )!!!!  So I sat in the office for over an hour drinking away 6 oz of water!  Still gurgling and now in tears!!!  I don't want to be admitted!  I am fine let me go home!  So finally, after the hour and them checkin in on me every so many minutes they made a deal with me and Gave me bad advice!  LOL.

Here is his deal!

Go home- drink 6-8 oz of COKE!  If I have something stuck (chicken) then it will dissolve and pass through or I will Vomit and it will come up that way!  I also have to drink 24-32 oz of liquids by the end of the night (Gatorade, water, or juice and this includes my Coke, UNLESS I throw it up)~!  DEAL DEAL DEAL!!!!
I was sittin there in the office tears runnin, feelin like a fool!  I will do whatever you say so I can go home!

So he is going to call me tomorrow to see how I am doing!  If I am still gurgling he wants me to go in for a SCOPE.  They give me good meds so I don't feel a thing and I guess go in down my throat with a tube to see whats going on.  Hopin the GURGLIN will go away!!!! 

I forgot how sweet soda is!  My teeth feel like they are going to fall out!  LOL.

Well good new is when I weighed in there i am down to 189.2 an all time LOW!!!!!  Not healthy how I lost it this week; but low!

I walked 4 times this week so far!  Feelin good... just really want to EAT and DRINK!!!

TTFN!  Ta Ta for now!

~Mandy

Unfill "AGAIN"

I hope you all enjoyed my pics that I shared in my last post!  Seeing myself on a bike is unreal!!!!  If you didn't see them check out my last post!!  Anyways, to my main point.........

I finally budged and called the Dr yet again!  I think I am just going to have to go without any fluid in my band!  It is that TOM (Time of the Month) again.. and the restriction and tightness is just too much this time!  I am having a hard time with liquids! 

A few weeks back I spoke with the nurse (who said I am doing AWESOME).. and we talked about it!  She did tell me if it becomes to be too much.. then she really does suggest I take the fluid out.  I only have 2cc's in my band!  Will it make a difference?  I sure hope so!

I can only eat 2 weeks out of a month... since my TOM last about 2 weeks...   Bloating is crazy!!!

This adjustment and fluid thing I guess is all trial and error! 

Thursday is my appointment!  So... here is to another unfill!!!!

~Mandy

pics of Spring 2011

Me and my hubby Dario! I luv him to pieces!!!

Me and my baby boy (6yrs old) Joshua!  

Me and my little girl (11yrs old in Aug).. Not so Little Anymore Hannah Banana

Me riding Hannah's Bike!  Been 10 yrs since I sat on a bike...never mind ride one!



I just got back from my walk!  I was excited and ready to go!  LOL.. My husband asked if I was on crack cause I was so full of energy and my eyes were wide open!  LOL... It sure was a great day for a walk!

~Mandy

Weigh In & Walking

Hello All,

Hope you are all enjoying your weekend!  Yesterday was weigh in.. I am down another 3lbs this week that brings me to 192.8  total weight loss of 77.2! 

I am really enjoying this weekend!  The sun is finally out and the temps are above 50 degrees!!  I have been out walking, at least the full mile around the block!  I was even riding my daughters bike yesterday!  LMAO I have not rode a bike in about 10 yrs! 

So on the nice days; My plan is to WALK!!!  Walk, Walk, Walk... I love walking!  Uphill, downhill, flat surface... I love to walk!  It really gets my energy flowing and gets me pumped!

A few reasons I am happy I had LapBand Surgery and Quit Smoking (1 yr 4/8/11)-

1. I can go up and down stairs with out being out of breath (even going for a walk at a faster pace I am not out of breath).
2. I have so much more energy.
3. I feel good about myself
4. Sex is great!!!  Who knew!!!  LOL
5. I am HEALTHIER!!!
6. I am Happier!!!!

Anyways, enjoy the rest of your weekend!  I sure will enjoy mine!

~Mandy

~1 Year Today~ and lots of Positives!!!

Today ONE year ago, I chose to make one of the biggest decision of my life~ TO QUIT SMOKING! I have added years onto my life!  I was dedicated to making myself healthier and more fit!  I am super excited and I don't miss it one bit!  It was a filthy habit and glad its gone!

Another positive note~ My cousin and his wife had their first baby!  I am so happy for them.  I visited the other night and she is just precious... Kristaya. 

I love her!  I wanted to take her home!  She so tiny!

I am loaded with positives today!  I am thinking this new Prozac is really helping me!  LOL  I was outside yesterday doing outside bussing (at work) and one of the MART drivers told me I look Fantastic!  A man told me I look fantastic!  What????  Are you serious....????  Hmm... I smiled, said Thank you and walked away!  I was blushing!  Me... Blush!  Yeah I was blushing!

Still finding it hard to take the compliments.. but on the days I feel good, its easier... On days I feel BLAAAHH, I say "Yeah thanks, not today"!  LoL.

Anyways.... I went to the nutritionist Wed and she told me I am doing a FANTASTIC JOB!  I am an exceptional BAND patient!  WOO Hoooo! 

It was beautiful out yesterday, so as soon as I parked my car I went for a walk around the block!  It is exactly 1 mile! I plan on doing it again today if it stays nice out...   I love this weather and it makes me more energetic and HAPPY!

~Mandy

B4 and After Photo

I really had to post this because it really shows how far I have come!  The top left was last February 2010.  Top right was today.  Bottom left was over the weekend and Bottom right was the day I quit smoking (April 8th 2010).. Just about a year ago!  The transformation is UNBELIEVEABLE!  My cheeks were so freakin huge!  I can't get over it!

Can you see ME- my posts I mean?

Blogger is weird!  Again, my posts are not showing up in peoples feeds!  Please, unfollow and follow me again!  I miss my comments from all my supporters out there! 

Thank you,

~Mandy

Breads.....

So, I guess my question is... How many of you can eat bread products? I found that the past few times I have tried to eat some sort of bread (tortilla wrap, pita pocket, and toast) mind you they are all whole wheat products.. I have such a difficult time!  It's awful!

I am not actually vomiting, but Sliming, Sliming, Sliming!  To the point I gag as if I am going to vomit... my body shakes tremendously, I start to sweat, and then just start spitting and sliming like CRAZY!  Ugghhh.. I made quesadillas for dinner, whole wheat tortilla's and it was awful!  I ate a few bites and really took my time and I could feel it coming~RUN RUN RUN to the bathroom!  It's a horrible feeling; especially when your at the dinner table with your kids and husband!  You come back to the table; your face red and tears were running..."are you ok mom"?  "Yuppers, I am fine don't worry about me"!  How many of you can eat bread?  I guess I just have to come to the realization bread is no longer my friend and is now one of my worst enemies!  Good Bye Bread!  I sure will miss you!  You were good while it lasts, but now you made me sick!

~Mandy

Weigh in & more

Hello everyone,

Hope all is well and you are all having a wonderful weekend! 

This was me this morning in my truck, super excited to be down another 2.8 lbs.  Bringing my total weight loss to 74.2, at a weight of 195.8!!!  I am just super excited!

So, lots to tell.. I had a few Dr. Appointments this week!  None pertaining to my band, but I met with a new Dr. and my GYN too.  I was supposed to have a 6 month follow up too with my Lung Dr....but she cancelled because of the darn snow!

Tuesday I met with my "new" Dr.  I chose to switch Dr's for many reasons...but I won't get into that!  New Dr. B was great!  He ordered all kinds of tests to check my blood levels, iron, cholestrol, risk for stroke, heart attack, and much more.  Dr. B had me fill out a questionaire for depression and anxiety!  Come to find out, I have depression and anxiety!  I could have told you that!  LOL.  So he put me on Prozac 10mg for now and we see how I do with that!  So I began that on Thursday!  Dr. B is even going to have me follow up with him in 4 weeks to go over the bloodwork and check on me with the new meds!  How cool is that!

Now my appointment with the GYN!!!  OMG, I can't even begin to tell you my history with this lady!  I am not to keen with her.. since everytime I walked into her office she was degrating (Spelling??).  I know I am FAT!  I know I am Morbidly Obese!  No need to RUB IT IN!  So after my appointment with her last year, I felt really ashamed and decided this whole Weight Loss Surgery thing was the way for me to go!  When I walked into her office Thursday morning; I felt GREAT; but she sure does know how to CRUSH THAT!  "You still need to lose another 30lbs to be in the healthy category"- can I say "Thanks B*tch, I didn't realize I was still SO overweight!  OMG!!!  Anyways I have to go back to her office for a few things, but all is ok!  I assure you!

Ok... it's supper time!  I made Shepards Pie!  YUMMY!  I will be back later with more "STUFF"!

~Mandy

BYOC

Are you superstitious?
No, I used to be... but then I grew up! LOL.

You wouldn’t be caught dead where – wearing what?
At the beach, wearing a bikini top and g-string bottoms. LMAO! What a site that would be!


What brand of perfume to you wear?
Not sure of the brand. But it's called Pink Sugar! It smells like Cotton Candy. Sweet Sweet Sweet! I love it!


Name five non-human things that you love and why.
I love my laptop-thats how I keep in touch.
My Cell Phone- Texting, texting, texting!!!
Wii - My workout buddy
My Bed!!!! I LOVE TO SLEEP!!!
My food. I LOVE TO EAT! Not like I used to... But I still love food!


Repeat question: Summarize your week in blogland and in real life.
In blogland, as usual... I am not commenting! I sure do read though! Real LIFE! Uggh... been hectic! So many Dr appointments this past week and more to come. (I will post about them tomorrow)! They hired someone to work with me! Really hope it works out! My son's party was a blast last weekend! I will post pics tomorrow! I have loads to blog about!!!!


Tomorrow is weigh in day!


See you then!


 ~MANDY