What do I do?

It sure has been a while since my last post!  But lately my life has been busier than Ever!  With the duties of everyday life and the extras happening lately, I haven't had time to really sit down and think!  I now have all day to do so while I wait with my dad (aka Bumpy) as he gets another full day of Chemo & Radiation!  Today out of all days has been quite tough; Bumpy has been extremely dizzy, nausea and dehydrated.  I had to help him get ready this morning, tie his shoes and help him to the bathroom, car, and seat.  Bumpy has lost all of his hair at this point and the best news is....He is no longer having any pain!  What I don't understand is that they say they want to treat the cancer so he could have his quality of life-where it was before the Cancer!  How is that possible when he is sick and weak everyday???  I am sitting here listening to the IV Machine pump all these fluids and poisons into his body, watching him sit in the recliner, eyes shut, breathing shallow, twitching every now and then!  Waiting for today to be done with!

Tomorrow I take my Grandpa to the Cardiologist for a Follow Up!  I am hoping all looks good!

As for myself, I am really out of sorts here!  I have not weighed in for about 3 weeks now!  I am scared to get on the scale and see how much I have gained!  I am in therapy once a week!  Working 40 hours but really  should be working 80 hours... I have no time to do my job and everyone else's!  My boss is on Maternity Leave and my Co-Worker (Case Manager) will be on Maternity Leave starting Next MONTH!!!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am stressed to the max!  Not sure what to do!  I haven't had any time to exercise, cause when I get home and finished everything ... I am completely exhausted!  In the morning... I don't want to get out of bed!  I am hoping this week I can get back into the swing of things.. Plus the weather won't be too bad this week!  The past few days were BRUTAL!!!

Well, not much more to add today!  Just been hanging in there and trying to keep it together!  My Hannah Banana is doing an Awesome Job at staying strong for her BUMPY!  But every now and then; when I tell her its ok to cry.... We both break down and cry!!!

Till next time,

~Mandy

In a SLUMP

There is not one week that I have lost weight since they took my band from me!  I walk and jog and eat right and do all I NEED TO DO... and I gain 1.2 every single Freakin Week (with the exception of one week it was 1.6)!  What the hell!  Have I hit the plateau...  

I had my friend Jenna over last night.. we had some Margaritas and I was DRUNK!  I had not been DRUNK in a loooonnnnggg loooonnnnggggg time!  Forgot what that felt like... We had a great time though, playin cards, laughing and drinking!  It was a good night for me to forget about my TROUBLES and just LET LOOSE!  

Yesterday I was cleanin my house and my mom came upstairs and asked me to give my dad a buzz cut!  He lost alot of hair yesterday while in the shower!  Its more real than ever now!  :(     I always give the men in my life haircuts.. but this time was different with my dad...   My heart ached and I wanted to break down and cry!

Well, I am honestly short for words today!  Not much happening here... I am gaining weight and stressed out and trying to find my way through it all!  

Now for a few photos!