Everything happens for a reason~

Do you believe that saying?  I have been thinking, thinking, and thinking!  I guess things happen for a reason...

Although I am still not sure as to the "reason"... I am probably confusing myself and everyone else...

I have the words at the tip of my tongue; they just don't want to come out!

I began this journey just over a year ago!  Trying to make me a happier and healthier person!  Although there have been many struggles, I must say there has been many successes!

I am not sure what else is in store for me.  I do know that I am not planning on any more "surgeries"!!  My husband looked at me the other night and asked me "Honey, are you done"?  Basically meaning; he has watched me suffer enough and does not want to see me suffer anymore!  I know he loves me for who I am and how I look and my body and all! 

Anyways... my successes on this journey!

**I quit smoking!  I have added years onto my life!  April 8th, 2011 was 1 yr Smoke Free!

**I can walk a mile and not be out of breath!

**I can fit in a booth at the resturaunt!

**I can wear a regular hospital gown and Tie IT!  Without my ass hanging out!

**I can paint my own toenails!

**I actually know a good (healthy) meal plan!

**I sit closer to the steering wheel...My belly is not in the way!

**I am more active (well not at the moment)..but In General....!

**I am happier!

I really was upset that I had to lose my band, but I can't dwell on it and focus on the loss!  I need to move ahead and look forward to the future!  This is and was all part of my LapBand Journey and just because the band is gone...doesn't mean my journey ends!

You know it's funny how things turn out!  You realize who is most important in your life when you really need people!  You realize those who surround you are those who love you!  Those who call you are those who are concerned for you! 

My mind is all over the place lately!  I was on Facebook and found this status shuffle that fit perfect for the way I have been feeling! 

I would rather live my life with mistakes made and lessons learned than to live it full of regrets, if onlys and what could have been.

~Mandy

*Sighs*

Do u ever wonder "Why Me"???  I sure have!  The past few days have been confusing and extremely emotional!

I don't even know where to begin with how I feel!  I feel like I have put my family through so much worry and I watch them try to be strong for me...

I try to be strong for myself, but I lay in bed and cry!  I am in so much pain!  I am scared!  I don't even know what kind of infection I have!  Everything was sent to the lab to see what kind of infection it was.. and how it was caused!

I wonder to myself if I had this infection the whole time I was banded!  Is that why I was so successful with the weight loss?  Is that why I could hardly ever eat? 

I never had any fevers!  I showed no signs of sickness!

No I have this tube sticking out of my stomach sucking out the infection that lies within my body!  The infection that I got from trying to make myself "Healthier"!!!  It does not seem as though I am Healthier! 

I don't regret anything!  I would do it all over again!  I just need to vent and have no one to talk to who can really understand!  I feel as though I am alone!  No one truly understands what I am going through! 

Home Sweet Home

I am home from the hospital!  I was released yesterday afternoon about 4:30.  Monday mornin was my surgery and before I went in the OR my Dr. came by and we chatted for a few about what he would be doing.

First he would go down with the SCOPE, check for ulcers or any obstruction..

If nothing was found there, he was going to open me up and find out whats going on... Dr. told me that maybe from the Sliming and Vommiting; someting was really irritated.  Dr. said the last resort would be to remove it, and just assume I am Band Intolerant! 

I remember them asking me to move over to the operating table (I was high as a kite with the cocktail mix they gave me to relax)... I woke up in the recovery room with my Dr's assistance telling me everything went well, but they had to remove the band.

I cried, cried and cried!  I am upset that it had to come to that.

Later when I was in my room the Dr.'s came by and explained to me they found an infection underneath the rim of my band.  One of the stitches came undone (possible from vommiting). 

Dr. gave me a few options!  We are going to see if I can Maintain or even lose weight on my own (since I lost a huge chunk weight with the Lap Band.  If I struggle and can't keep it off or can't lose any more.. we will discuss the options of Gastric ByPass.

So, I am out of work for 2 weeks and have a drain coming from my stomach..to let the infection drain out!  I can't sleep...I have 2 antibiotics and a narcotic to help with the pain.

I am so full of emotions!  I am just lost! 

I have a Visiting Nurse coming to the house to change the dressing and empty my drain! 

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!  I am so mad!  I am upset!  I am SCARED! 

Once this is all healed, I will work my ass off to try to lost more weight!  I am 30lbs from goal!  I will put my mind to it! 

Thank you all for your support!  I see the Dr. on the 5th of May to take out the drain and discuss my options!

Thanks again!!!

~Mandy

Guess what!!!

I woke up frm surgery with NO BAND!  It somehow got infected... I am a few nights at the hospital getting antibiots and pain meds...

When I am home, I will give you the full story!

I am scared to gain all that weight back... I need to really try to follow my plan anywasy! 

~Mandy

Surgery time

Its 4:55 am and I am leaving an 20 mins to head back to the hospital for surgery!  I couldn't sleep for shit last night!  My anxiety level is well over a 10!!!

Well... I am hoping I come home with my band and all they had to do is replace it! 

I will update you when I am feelin better! 

~Mandy

I went for my Upper GI today!  Wow, what a different experience than the first time!  I don't remember it being that bad!  There was a few times I threw up the contrast (barium) and cried through the rest of the test! 

I then went downstairs to the Weight Center for IV Fluids to help hydrate me!  Here, I met with my Dr. and he reviewed the Upper GI...

Everything looked good on the Upper GI; so what do we do now?  Why am I having such great difficulty!

Few thoughts that came to mind...

Maybe I have an ulcer- So I am going to under go the Scope to check.

If there is no ulcer- I will be opened back up to explore!  I have symptoms of being "too tight"... But he tried again and I have NO NO NO NO NO Fluid in my band!  Nothing! 

So we will see whats going to happen!  I was asked if I wanted himto take it out!  I told him if its bad, then "Yes"!  I can't live the rest of my life like this!  I am starving!  Thirsty!  I am Tired!  Just feeling so Uggghhhh Lately!

So thats the update I have for today!  I am back in surgery Monday morning!  I need to be there for 6 am!  OMG that sure is early!  I may be staying for the night as well so the Dr. can keep an eye on me and to keep my fluids running and keep me hydrated! 

Till next time,

~Mandy

Upper GI

I finally gave in and called the Dr again today!  I am having a really hard time!  I am getting really frustrated!  I can't eat!  Even slider foods!  I just can't eat!  It hurts to eat. 

Last night I regurgitated for over 1/2 hour!  Disgusting!  Then I figured I would have 1/2 of a freeze pop and guess what!  I threw it up!  Now, I have not actually vomitted since I had surgery!  I have pb'd and slimed but not vomitted!  I gurgle all the time, but not vomit! 

I was so frustrated I couldn't even get down a freeze pop!  So, the Dr is sending me for an Upper GI on Friday!  They are going to check to see if the band slipped!  If the band slipped they will have to operate again to replace it! 

I really don't know what happend!  I was doing just fine!  I was doing great!  Finally figuring things out!  Now I feel like I am starting all over again!  I have been on liquids almost 2 weeks!  I try to eat and it hurts or I regurgitate or gurgle for an hour!  Hiccups... can you say its a constant the past few days!

I really can't wait to find out what is going on!  I am frustrated!  I am upset!  I am Mad!  I am Scared!  I am Anxious!  I have so many feelings that are runnin through me I am not sure quite how I feel! 

I will keep you updated! 

~Mandy